Tuesday, August 23, 2011

In response to your responses about roles.

Hey guys. I can't believe I'm writing an entire post based off of your comments. But your comments were THAT good so I couldn't resist.

First of all, I wanted to say thanks for all your comments on my post about roles in our homes. I think this is a topic that could be discussed endlessly. If only we all had the time. Time, however, is something that I'm always coming up short on. You, too?

However, I wanted to touch on a few things that were posted that really hit home for me.

I love how Barb talked about finding ways to support and show love to your spouse, even if those ways aren't the traditional ways of cooking and cleaning. This is exactly what I am trying to figure out in my own life.

Erin wrote, "Our family is far from traditional and although I frequently wish I was a typical mom, it is kind of fun to watch my husband take on some of the more "motherly" roles. We wouldn't survive if we didn't split the housework." I LOVED this! I think this is definitely a way of seeing the positive side of having two working people in the home. I must say, I love having B home so often for this very reason, even if I have failed to realize it until Erin pointed it out. I love that C gets to spend most of her days with both of us and that her dad will just as often feed her lunch and kiss booboos better. {Not saying that dads who work outside of the home don't do the same thing.} I also love that I can ask B to change most of the poopy diapers...which, seriously, is my LEAST favorite mommy task.

Melissa W., I love that you wrote that having a perfectly traditional home would be nice, but, that you know that will never be you. Honestly, I think just realizing this, being ok with it, and moving forward, is half the battle! Something I often wonder, do we place a lot of stress and guilt on ourselves trying to model our lives after the ways of the past? Homes, families and roles are so different now then they used to be. I don't think that makes it better or worse. Just different. And different is great. In the end, our children are loved, our homes get cleaned {eventually} and somehow we get dinner on the table every night all while juggling work, hobbies, church callings, etc.

Melissa S., and anyone else out there who has a husband who is out of the home for 80+ hours a week...wow. This is just another example of how we are all in such different situations, and somehow, we all make it work. Honestly though, I'd love to know how you do it!

Liz, we are SO on the same page feeling insecure with dinner time. I feel like it should be my job to plan and carry out meals every night. Somehow, this happens so rarely that I usually end up feeling inadequate on a close to daily basis. I'm trying to cut myself some slack though and remember, I contribute lots to our family, even if dinner doesn't come together quite as nicely and as often a I wish it would.

Megan, you said it perfectly, "I don't know if there is such a thing anymore as traditional roles in the home. It is a different world than the one our parents and even we grew up in." I think that is exactly right. And like I wrote above, just because things are different now, does not mean they are not as good.

Anne, your comment made me realize that EVERYONE deals with feeling inadequate every once in a while. Whether you worry about not contributing as much as you should as a wife because you are working, or if you worry about not contributing financially because you stay in the home, we all deal with these feelings.

Amy, I like that you said that this post made you feel "normal". I think that is probably why I wrote the post. I like being reminded that even though our situations are all different, we all have the same worries and anxieties in our life. And really, everyone is doing their best to make their homes happy and secure places.

Kalie, never preachy! But always my role model for what I would like to work towards in my own home. I'm really looking forward to your housework post. Even though I know you'll disagree, I sort of feel like you have mastered the stay-at-home life. :)

Aimee, the guilt! Yes! Does it ever go away!? :) Something is always getting neglected, whether that be C, the laundry, my toilets, the dinner I'd love to cook or the jog I wanted to go on. Something tells me that the guilt will live on for eternity, no matter what my home situation is.

Lastly, Ashely, of course I remember you! {And blog stalk you too. :) } Everything you wrote makes perfect sense. When it's all said and done, and I ask myself, 'If you could quit your job with no worries would you?' Well, probably yes. BUT, I also can find the good in our situation. The double income, a job I enjoy and the blessing of having a stay-at-home job are a few reasons why I know that our situation is ok.

So, again, thanks to you all for your comments. I really enjoyed reading through them and loved learning about the roles in your home. You guys always make me feel like I'm doing ok. We all are, right. :)

1 comment:

kalie said...

"Whether you worry about not contributing as much as you should as a wife because you are working, or if you worry about not contributing financially because you stay in the home, we all deal with these feelings."

There was an interesting segment on the Today show about how women feel like they have to be "Supermom" to be successful. One thing stood out to me: instead of focusing on perfection (eg, perfect meals, perfect child, perfect house), focusing on purpose (showing love, laughing together, reading). I love that. It totally makes sense and changes the approach.

I will totally bring over some leftover fruit meringue to you! The waffles might work with rice flour. It's worth a try! All I know is that they will not work (eg., be fluffy!!!) with whole wheat flour.

And I'll just comment here: your spider post is going to give me nightmares. Thank you SO much.