Monday, July 11, 2011

Ashley's voice haunts my dreams.

ashley has an incredibly complete collection of slutacious, backless shirts no?

she wore a new one on every, single date on this episode. jealous!

i absolutely can tell no difference between josh groban 1 and josh groban 2. i can't keep track of which is which, nor do i know either of their real names. and really i can't find a point in figuring it out because they seem to be pretty much the exact same person. both are employed in the food/drink industry and both enjoy long, greasy locks. and i also know that ashley had sex with one of them. because she is a classy lady. which one, however, is a mystery to me.

i mean, really?

the wedding photo date was just bizarre. what was the point? those dudes HATED it. dudes hate getting their REAL wedding photos taken. why would they enjoy fake ones? what is with all the pretend wedding shee this season? it's just sad. i feel like i'm watching an embarrassing singles, ward activity. fake wedding! yay!

ashley's "breakup" with ryan was the most uncomfortable thing i've seen in a long time. i was literally squirming in my chair.

ames, bless his heart, must have some sort of sinus issue because he is constantly breathing through his mouth. he is also constantly looking confused. he is also constantly dressing like a j.crew model. red slacks ames? with a jaunty sweater slung around your shoulders in case the ocean breeze in northampton gets a bit chill. oh ames.

despite the fact that j.p. whined and pouted the entire way through this episode, which was gross, she is still going to pick him. clearly.

and lastly, not a single mention of bentley. boo.

but now let's talk about the most intriguing part of the entire 2 hours...

how emily and harrison can spend 30 minutes talking without actually saying ANYTHING AT ALL. it's like magic. black magic really. because even though the sound might as well have been muted on my tv with all the nothing that was going on there i still had to watch.

so let me get this straight emily. you and brad are in love, love each other very much, will always be a part of each others lives, still talk and text constantly, and are not together because together is not what you are. you are not together. you should be together. you want to be together. but you are not together. because somethings are and somethings are not because things that are not can't be. because then nothing wouldn't be because you can't have nothing isn't. everything is. because if nothing wasn't nothing is!

let me translate for you: my name is emily and i am fake crying right now so i can be a future sports anchor. *tear* *sniffle* *tear*



Ty and Meg said...

Ha! Stupid Emily. That was funny. I have never been happier about missing a season. Although I feel totally in the loop thanks to you. I think slutacious is my new favorite word. ha.

Marcus and Amy said...

Oh such drama, and yet I am sucked in every week!
I am really voting for Ames to be the next Bach. That would be such a fun season to know it would! JCrew model, that was funny!
They had to do an awkward photo shoot where Jordan Paul got his undies in a bunch, because thats what they did to Ahsley and Chantel on the SI swim photo shoot!
Felt bad for Ryan, that was sad and she was totally tuned out on the water heater conversation. I think when the camera was on her, she was totally thinking about Bentley!
And could not have said it better myself...what was that interview with Emily even about? Those two are doomed to never find someone if they still are in contact. If you are THAT IN LOVE...make it work!

p.s. - the show was not that same this week without Mickey!

Waltman said...

Andrea, I was laughing out loud reading that post. Your blog is the first place I go post bachelor. p.s. caroline is adorable!

The Khan's said...

Haha! Ok I have never watched a single episode of the bachelor or the bachelorette, but I am still in LOVE with your posts about them. Hilarious!!!! I could read them all day.

Ps. I am in LOVE with your baby too! We need to go on a girl date and you bring C.

bets said...

am loving the "josh groban 1 and 2". personally i think they look like rafael nadal (tennis player). sort of cavemen-ish too. not very cute either way. and please tell me you noticed how many freaking times emily said "you know". i honestly, HONESTLY, think she said it about 30 times. PLEASE, can you squeeze a vocabulary in there with all that southern charm bullcrap? and yes! the backless tops were endless. jeremy kept saying "how does she wear those without falling out? what kind of bra would you be able to wear?" and sadly, i had no answer for him. because i honestly don't know. i've never been that, to quote you, slutacious. amen.

I'm A. said...

Ha. Bets you are TOTALLY right. Rafael Nadal is spot on. They are very cavemanish.

I'm pretty sure you can only pull off backless tops if you are 100% boobless. And thanks to all the guys at the roast of Ashley we know that she is 100% boobless.

carolynnjoy said...

Ames is like the reality t.v. version of Mr. Andrew Bernard from the office....cracks me up!