Saturday, August 7, 2010

My Nothing-Went-As-Planned Birth Story...

i have debated back and forth in my mind whether or not to post my birth story...or how much of it i should actually post. it's not the kind of birth story i would have wanted to read when i was preparing for a natural childbirth and trying to fill my head with only positive birthing experiences and stories.
{minutes after birth}
i am a huge proponent for natural childbirth. i have always envisioned myself giving birth naturally. my mother did it. i have many friends who have done it and continue to do it. there was never a question in my mind that that was the only way for me.
{1 day old}
so we researched and prepared and took classes and practiced and i read and read and read. and never did i even ONCE envision my birth going any differently than me going into labor, working through contractions at home together, heading to the hospital and birthing naturally with my midwife. that was the plan. that was what i envisioned for 9 months. and that is not what happened.
since i know there are people out there reading this blog who are preparing for a natural childbirth i am just going to focus on the good of my experience. and, i really don't feel like i had a nightmare birthing experience. i did, however, feel a lot of disappointment as i slowly came to the realization that the birth i wanted would not be possible. we shed a lot of tears that day. however, i will say, that what happened with me was not a common occurrence. and i have hope that next time my experience will be different and i will be able to birth naturally.
b and i were knowledgeable enough after all of our research that we were never not a part of the decision making process. we never felt that we were forced into anything. my midwife was a total advocate for us and did everything she could to help us stick to our original plan. and she was honest with us when she felt that things weren't going well and we needed to change our course.
{b, baby c, me immediately after surgery, and my midwife}
in the end i had a c section. as i was lying in my hospital bed, with b holding my hand, i was crying and crying. i felt so sad and utterly shocked that my birth was going to end this way. never had it occurred to me in 9 months that a c section could be a possibility for me. i was scared and disappointed and wondering if i could have done something different to avoid this. but then the strongest feeling came over me and i knew that no matter what i might have done, this would have been my end result.
{c was jaundiced. those sticky dots held her eye mask in place when she was under the lights.}
everything went well. we had no complications. my nurse was the most wonderful person on the planet. my midwife was there every step of the way. my family was by my side. i have never loved my husband more. i was able to breastfeed minutes after the surgery and we have not had any real difficulties with that since. {except...ow!} and we got our most desired end result: a happy, healthy, gorgeous little girl who we love more than words can express. {now if we could just figure out how to get her on some sort of routine sleeping schedule at night so we don't loose our minds. :)...but we'll save that for another post.}
i am disappointed that things did not go even CLOSE to as planned. recovering from a c section is not fun. however, i don't look back on my experience with sadness and i don't have fear about next time. we absolutely loved salt lake regional. we got lots of attention because they have less patients. we had the same, most wonderful nurse, althea, for most of our 5.5 days there. overall, we feel like the experience we had was great. and next time we will try again for the natural birth experience that we were hoping for.
p.s. if anyone wants full details i'd be happy to share them. you can go ahead and email me. just thought i'd keep them off the blog.


Ali said...

She is gorgeous! You are a beautiful Mother!

I'm sorry your experience wasn't what you'd planned, but am grateful (like you said) that the end resulted in her safe arrival. It sounds like you were in great hands the entire time which is also a blessing! I'd love more details as I don't intend to have a natural birth.

Breastfeeding gets easier and the sleep thing will work itself out... give yourself two months to find your "new normal" and just soak in that sweet baby! At least you can nap when she does, right?!

Congratulations again! She's amazing.

Meg said...

She is so beautiful. I can hardly believe it. I am so happy that I am now counting down the hours until I get to meet her! And the picture of you at the bottom of the blog is beautiful. You look amazing. And I am so impressed with you and your attitude and how you handled the whole experience. I think Caroline's birth strengthened all of us and reminded us that we are not actually in charge, but that we are watched over. I love you both!

naezandkidz said...

She is sooo cute!! Thanks for letting us come see her and I glad everything worked out in the end!

Tiffany said...

I'm glad you and the baby are well. Things not working out as planned? Story of my life. XOXO, sweet mama.

Trav and Lizzie said...

So I have been thinking of you so much! And I am so so proud of you Andrea, because you were more prepared than most people I know. Caroline is so dang lucky to have a mom that took so much time and effort and was super brave!! You are a hero of mine with this childbirthing thing, for reals! Thanks for posting this, you're amazing.
Xoxo, Liz

Barb @ getupandplay said...

She's just beautiful! I'm glad you've acknowledged your disappointment and that you feel peace about how things turned out! I'm glad breastfeeding is going well and hoo-boy, I remember how bad it hurt in the beginning. It will get better, I promise. And so will the sleeping thing. :)

kliso said...

A, you have one proud papa. You were so amazing during your birth experience. Thanks for letting me be a part of it. It is so fun watching you and B with C. Even if you are tired. Caroline is so awesome. It is amazing how one little tiny person can bring so much love and joy to a family. I look forward to the years ahead where I can spoil the crap out of her.

I love you guys!

Grandpa K

Shantell said...

I am so sorry things didn't go as planned. My first birth didn't go as planned either. But on the bright side, she is seriously one of the most gorgeous babies I have ever seen. Can't wait to meet her in person!

Marcus and Amy said...

Andrea, what a great attitude you have! Reading this post totally made me cry, it brought back all those same emotions and feelings I had just a short 7 months ago! And I (like you) did everything I could to avoid a C-section too! But I will be honest, after pushing for 4 hours, as scared as I was, I was a little relieved when my doctor told me I was going to have to have a C-section.
And come to find out, I ruptured my uterus pushing (I was that determined to get her out!)

Thankfully I WILL be able to have more kids...via C-section. I am really sad that I won't be able to have a baby naturally, but I constantly think how BLESSED I am to live in this time with all the medical help and advancements. We really are blessed and lucky.

I am sorry things didn't go as planned. In my birthing class when they covered C-sections, I was like "that won't be me!" And then it was! And the best advice any one ever gave me before having her, was "just go with the flow" And I did and it sounds like you did too, the best you could!

She is beautiful Andrea!! Just the most perfect little thing! I hope you are recovering well and both of you are getting some sleep!

I would love to hear your whole story if you don't mind emailing me!

Melissa Stringham said...

I'm sorry that things didn't go as planned and ended up in an unwanted surgery. But I am so happy you and baby C are healthy and happy. She is really beautiful. I hope you are healing ok!

Anonymous said...

You had a baby! Made her with love, grew her in your own body, birthed her! That is no small feat!!! I think motherhood is a huge eye opener to us, starting from conception, that things just don't go as planned like we moms want them to, dang it!! I'm sorry things didn't go as you had hoped, but I think no matter how someone births a baby, you are very very successful and amazing! Please know that!! There is always next time! My sister wanted to go natural SOOOO bad, wasn't able to with her first, but with her second, she went natural with flying colors!! To a 10 plus lb baby!!!!

Hope the breastfeeding continues to go well. That's my favorite part of being a new mom, I think. I am sure you know, but if not, there is a FABULOUS lactation store right in sugarhouse. I've been gone so long I can't remember the street? Highland? 9th E? 11th E? Somewhere around there. They are great and have great great nursing bras that they fit you for.

Glad that your little smidge is healthy and BEAUTIFUL. Congrats Andrea.

Katrina said...

Andrea, I think you were possibly the most well prepared first time mom I've ever met. I'm so proud of you! I'm just going to email you, k?

Dustin and Whit said...

Seriously, you are not supposed to look that good right after having a baby! I can't wait to hear more about it when I see you next, I am glad that you and sweet baby Caroline are healthy and doing well, its hard when things don't go as planned! You guys already make the cutest family, can't wait to meet the little princess!

Heather Harman said...

Andrea! I got the link to your blog off facebook and not that you don't know this, but she is sooo beautiful! Aren't you just loving every second of this? I just can't think of anything better!
I am sorry the birth didn't go how you expected it to, but props to you for even trying to go natural! That did not even for one second cross my mind! I am totally impressed! Oh and I have to tell you that your nursery might be the cutest thing I have ever seen! You totally have knack at the decorating thing!
Anyway good luck adjusting to motherhood! When you get settled a bit and in a little routine we will have to get together!

Ali said...

Andrea she is beautiful! Cnngratulations and i can't wait to meet her!

Cynthia said...

I love her!When I had her in my arms, it was the sweetest feeling :)

Jen said...

I think that the only thing you can really plan on in the whole process of having babies is that you don't actually get to be in charge of the process or the outcome even though you are responsible for preparing for what you want and having a plan! ;)I am sorry that it didn't work out the way you planned, but man she is darling!!! Breastfeeding - well, all I can say there is hang in does stop hurting like the dickens eventually...and then it is just sweet and wonderful! Call me if you need anything - even a nap!

aimee said...

She is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing that experience and being so raw with your story. It will help me as I go into this experience in just a few more weeks. My sister's first experience was nothing like she wanted either and it has taken time to work through. I hope you have some peace around it with some time.

Caroline is darling - seriously she doesn't look like a misshaped alien baby like some do ;) All her features are so delicate and I love it!

Oh yes, and good luck with the boobies. I'm sure you are an old pro now.