Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Holy Boob Jobs, Batman!

it's that time again...the most wonderful time of the year.
the bachelor: on the wings of love {hmm} kicks off with the most boring bachelor in the history of the show.
jake is lame.
and probably closer to a bachelorette than a bachelor.
but i'm going to keep watching because i want to see him cry. and you know he will.
you guys! he's a pilot! and there are no words to describe his passion for aviation. so lucky for him we are only one episode in and already the sexual pilot innuendos are flying high. flying high...get it? the best one of the night came from channy. i don't know HOW jake could have kicked her off after a gem like "you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime".alright. on to the slutty bachelorettes.
in order of my favorite to the most horrifying and disgusting:
*
elizabeth.
i think she has the potential to turn out to be a total psycho. which would be awesome.
she started the football game, which normally would make me hate her profusely. but, in this instance, i think it was a good move right up until all those botoxed screaming beyotches joined in.
ali.
i don't remember a single thing about her except that she's cute. i think the fact that i don't remember anything about her might be a good thing.
tenley.
she's borderline cute at best and full on dumb as rocks but she gets my votes for telling jake that she's...
"like totally honest, i check my pride at the door, i'm a cuddle bug, sincere, humble, beautiful..."
and then she kissed him.
and then she cried because she wanted him to kiss her first!
sob!
i also enjoyed that the show listed her profession as "college admissions".
ashleigh.
she might be cute.
it's so hard to tell these days.
but i didn't hate her.kathryn.
boring.
which is just enough to boost her into the #5 spot.
and from here on it's really hard to decide who is the least worst.
they are all just SO bad.
*
maybe ella is the least worst.
she has a 7 year old which she couldn't tell jake fast enough.
and you know she only told him because it guarantees her a spot on the show for a least a few weeks. everyone knows that if he kicked off the chick with a kid he'd be a total douche bag.
michelle.
the psycho.
which means she has secured herself a place on the show as well.
smart move.
don't disappoint me michelle.
this is gia.
she is made of silicone and botox and secrets. corrie. she rubbed me the wrong way.
i think it was her hair.
{and if i can't judge girls based off of something as insignificant as their hair then what's the point of even watching anymore?!}
valishia.
were you even there last night?
her profession is listed as "homemaker" which obviously means she has kids right?
vienna.
hideous.
and annoying.ashley.
desperate.
and gross.
but, as we already know, jake is a retard and enjoyed her little co-pilot uniform.
gag.

christina.
i'm not sure but she might be a dude.
yikes.
jessie.
yikes again. rozlyn.
the beyotch.
she mentioned her "looks" and the fact that she is a "model" every 5 minutes.
and that's a serious boob job she's got there.and there you have it.
the top 15.
they played up some serious drama during the scenes from the upcoming season and even though this show is so effing predictable it was enough to pique my interest.
this show is like crack.
i wish i knew how to quit you.

8 comments:

Meg said...

This show is like crack. And I promised myself I wouldnt do it. I would NOT watch. But last night when I realized it was on and I was not watching I broke out in a cold sweat and started to shake. Its not worth tryig to fight it. I know I will hate this show more than ever in a few weeks...but until then...I hope they at least manage to show us Jake's beautiful abs to make up for his serious lacking in every other possible way.

I'm A. said...

Go watch it on Hulu. There are for sure a lot of abs. Although, the abs don't make up for anything in my opinion.

Meg said...

Hmmm thats a shame. At least we can count on the crying.

Sarah said...

I missed it. Dang. Got to go set the dvr right now. ben is going to love that it's time again.

Annika said...

I knew I could count on you for the awesome recaps of the show! Gives me a laugh everytime and I don't think there are any good choices of girls he picked. We will see though! I thought he let some cute ones go but who knows? I also loved the football scene and thought he threw the ball like a fairy as he hopped up on one foot. haha

Ali said...

Holy crap, I'm so glad you're blogging the Bachelor again.

How about those family pictures from Jake's childhood? That's when I fell in love with him. Seriously, YIKES!!

So... the upcoming Scandal... one of the ladies vying for his heart ends up in a "relationship" of a naughty nature with a producer of the show. Have you heard? They alluded to it last night... who do you predict DID it?

Dustin and Whit said...

no excuses this time, I am watching now because I just can't help myself. I found your summary of the top 15 both accurate and entertaining

Lizzie Jones said...

Dear A-

You're friggin hilarious. I also think Gia is partially made of secrets. That made me laugh. Like a lot. Bless you.

Love,

Lizzie