Thursday, July 12, 2007

Deal Breakers.

i once stopped dating a guy after i found out that he didn't like my favorite band. well...ok, lets be fair. first he confessed his love for a particularly horrible band. i tried to be polite and not freak out at his utter and total uncoolness. instead, calmly and SO nonjudgementally i suggested we take a listen to my most favorite band in the whole entire world, the band that has shaped me in a million ways, and the band that made me nearly pass out from delirious happiness when i saw them live. so i popped in the cd and his response, "hmm, they're ok i guess." they're ok you guess?!!? ... i kicked his butt out of the car and then sped away into the night. {kidding!} my parents told me i was being shallow and silly to break things off with a perfectly nice boy over his musical tastes. maybe so, but that was a major deal breaker for me. it just was.
i feel really passionate about a few things...certain music, great movies, art, good food; but where do you go when the person you are dating has no interest in those things which you love so dearly? one of the yuckiest feelings in the world is showing something you truly love to someone who's opinion matters to you, and having them shut it down. and i'm not talking about having different likes and dislikes. that is all great and fine. i am talking about those people who just completely don't get you're "stuff". and you don't get theirs.
i know i am not completely crazy because i have had this conversation with certain friends and we are all on the same page. one of my friends told me that she broke up with someone when she found out his all time favorite song was the theme from free willy 2. uh yeah, that would do it.
now don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to be insulting and i'm not judging any one's taste. the beauty of life is that we all like and dislike different stuff. but when it comes to what we feel passionate about...don't you think that is precisely the stuff we should not settle on?!
so tell me, what are your deal breakers?


Katrina said...

Love the post! I love this topic and loved posing this same question when I was dating. One of my deal breakers is that he must love spicy food. I think marriage would be SUPER difficult if the participants don't generally like the same kind of food. I remember the first time Jared and I talked about food, it totally made me like him more. And spicy food is important because i don't want a wussy boy who can't handle a little chile! Luckily for me, hot sauce is often an integral part in what Jared cooks!

Katrina said...

ps... i'm curious what your favorite band is...

Anonymous said...

Bad teeth. That is my deal breaker.

Camilla said...

no sense of humor. zero creativity. these are musts!

Amanda the Couch said...

i once thought i was in love with a guy that didn't own a single pair of jeans! of course i immediately bought him a pair, but still i should have known better than stay with him for as long as i did.

marta said...

this made me laugh. especially the Free Willey part. that is psycho.

i wanted a boy who wasn't afraid of a crowd, loved the outdoors & was strong enough to lift me up.

i once dated a boy who was shorter than me. which is scary, considering i am five foot two. glad i moved on!!

Robin said...

For me, I can't deal with picky eaters, especially those who don't like normal/common things, like rice (come on!).

Also, when they have nothing to say on the subject of books, which is something I like to talk about a LOT. They don't have to have my same tastes or have read as much, but they have to at least be interested and have read enough books to have good conversations about it.

Estella Baker said...

Ooh what a good post! You know, taste in music is definitely a biggie. I mean I can learn to appreciate their faves but if they show absolutely no emotion when I share the music that moves my soul, it's truly a thorn in my side.

Another big one is eating. Being brought up in a house that has zero tolerance for picky eaters, I can't help but look down on them--boyfriend or not!

It'd also be nice if they had the vocabulary of at least a high school graduate :p Too often, I had conversations with past boyfriends who quite frequently gave me the blank stare of not understanding a word I used....who knows, maybe I was boring?

They absolutely have to love reading too...but that goes along with what I said above!


tiffany said...

I always knew I couldn't like someone younger than me, was dumb, and couldn't communicate.

Luckily, I found somebody smart, loves to talk, and is five hours older than me. :)

Loved this post, Andrea.

Ali Flegal said...

As always - very thought provoking. After agreeing with everything you wrote, I have decided that there really is no reason why Andrew and I should be married. We are different & opposites on so many levels/interests. However, because we couldn't prevent falling in love with each other, we've become really good at supporting each other in our interests and hobbies. For me, a deal breaker would be if he didn't share my standards and didn't want the same things out of this life (and the next) as me.

jamieanne said...

Hmmm...hows about well-mannered, well-spoken, driven and ambitious, honest, and fiercely loyal? That did it for me!
Oh yea, and his love for globe trotting together didn't hurt either!
If he's not honest and loyal...see ya sucker.

Barb said...

Good post. Deal breakers. So funny. I once dated a boy who on paper was perfection. But two things really bugged me about him: he put me on a pedestal and we had no chemistry. The pedestal one was confusing for a while but then I realized that I wanted a partner, not a prince. And chemistry, hello, I was naive to think it wasn't important.

So after that relationship, those two things were added to my list, which is as follows.
1. smart (must, must be intelligent)
2. funny (that we find the same things funny and make each other laugh)
3. attractive (not in a "devastatingly handsome" sort of way, but an actual, physical attraction to another person- you know, that *spark*)
4. a partner (he needs me, I need him, we both take care of each other)
5. kind, gentle, spiritual, I could go on

I think I will post about this very same topic because it is so very interesting!

Em said...

parents with mullets, if they can't spell jealous correctly, use of improper English, crazy backgrounds, or losers.

Melissa Stringham said...

Before getting married, I didn't care too much about the music thing as long as he was into the same genre as me...I hate rap and country and couldn't stand to be with someone who would force me to listen to it. Another deal breaker for me was someone who ate really unhealthy all of the time, it grosses me out.

ali said...

I had to think about this one but it finally struck me. It's nothing I'm proud of sharing, but I can't get past bad shoes. Back in the dating days, if I didn't like the shoes, I knew it wouldn't go anywhere.

I hope this doesn't make me sound like a terrible person.

Anonymous said...

free willy 2? hahahahahaha!!!!

Angie said...

Deal-Breaker #2: Too-short jeans. There is no excuse for this. Guys are able to select their inseam at the point of purchase. None of the ridiculous "Short-Average-Long" business girl have to sort through. It's a straightforward inseam measurement. WHY then, do I attract men who choose jeans with an inseam 3-4 inches shorter than the length of their legs? This is where I think the Muslims have it right: let's cover those ankles, people.