I hate you Bachelor: On The Wings of Love.

everybody listen...i hate jake. hate. we are all on the same page with this right? is there anyone out there left who doesn't think he's a total goob?

i'm saving ali for last. i have a lot of things to work out with her.

ok. gia. she's hot. really, really hot. also, she's a maxim model, which is one step above pornstar. and that's just fine and whatever but like jake would even know what to do with her. she was on her way out this week. she has ali to thank for one more week on the show and a free week-long trip to the caribbean. jake and gia ending up together is laughable. also, two nights ago i had a dream that gia and i were best friends. and she told me some pretty disturbing things about jake. and i tend to believe my best friend. i realize this was only a dream but once i dreamt that i was flying and i woke up on the floor next to my bed. so...

and isn't tenley just the sweetest little puppy ever? she's like a child. "jake! watch me do a dance!" she is just so sticky, sweety, sweet, sweet. and her family seemed genuinely nice and classy. and she's from oregon. oregon is awesome. and she is very lovely. and super skinny. and the rain boots and navy blue raincoat about did me in. the cuteness! oh tenley, the cuteness. too bad jake has about zero interest in her. also too bad that he was such a massive sleazeball and pretended to be interested in her by asking her crying parents for their blessing to get engaged. jerk wad. i know it's all for the show or whatever, but i don't think you mess with the kind, worrying parents of a sweet, heartbroken women.

and vienna. OH. MY. GHETTO. i just get more and more disturbed the more i learn about her. the outfit she was wearing? really? and her family being a bunch of river people? really?! and her dad?! REALLY?! she is just nasty and immature and ridiculous and ghetto. also, she is in love with her father. and he's in love with her. in a not normal way. at all. shivers. ick. i don't even want to know what goes on behind closed doors at their house.

and then there was ali. according to what the bachelor wants us to believe...ali is the most normal. the most outgoing and fun. the most grounded. and jake seems to like her. although, apparently not that much. congrats to him though for being able to forcibly squeeze out one, lone tear of pretend sadness when she decided to go home. ali made the correct decision. i, personally, would have made the incorrect decision because 1-having a job is lame and there is always another job out there and 2-free trip to the caribbean (hello!). but, good for ali for making the correct decision. this show is so fake that even if he had happened to pick her in the end you know they would have lasted about 5 weeks and then she'd be jakeless and jobless. and also dignityless. going on 5 fantasy dates while being filmed for national television does not equal real-life falling in love and getting married...as this show has shown us time and time again. and i tend to believe that girls, smart girls, not-pathetic girls, have an intuition for when a guy likes them. i'm guessing that if she really believed that jake was in love with her than she would have stayed. but he isn't. and he wasn't going to pick her. and she made the right decision. anyone disagree?

so...concluding predictions...ali is gone and good for her. gia is gone next week...no doubt about it. tenley has no chance since he clearly has no chemistry with her. and that leaves vienna. so he either picks vienna or he picks no one. i'm guessing he picks vienna. and that officially makes jakes the biggest moron on the planet. and all that shiz he's been feeding us all season about how he is nice guy, with morals!, that just wants a nice girl, with morals! to marry and start a family with, a nice girl, one who will make a great wife and mother and blah blah blah...well...that was all a huge, steaming, pile of bs. because what he really wants is to "date" (and by date i mean sleep with) a ditsy, 23-year-old, fake blond, daddy's girl. the chance of these two ending up married is about as likely as me not eating a frozen bean burrito for lunch. and i can tell you with 100% certainty that i will be eating a frozen bean burrito for lunch.

and this show is officially the lamest. show. of. all. time. ever. omg. i. hate. you. jake. die.

p.s. i take back my predictions for next seasons bachelorette. it can't be ali right?...since she loves her job so much and all. and it can't be tenley...because she is way too sweet and retarded. and they wouldn't pick gia since she is kind of a porn star. i don't even want to dare myself to believe that we might get a new bachelorette...someone who isn't tied to the show in one way or another.

Preggo tummies and veggie sandwiches.

this happened overnight. literally. or maybe even just between the hours of 7:30 am and noon. crazy stuff. and that is liz. she is the cuteness. also, she is the vanna white to my preggo. i'm hoping to get some deal going with liz where she will display my stomach, week by week, while wearing a gown. {or something.} i, on the other hand, am less cute. so yeah, no cute preggo pictures to see here. if you want to see the most adorable pregnant person ever then let me direct you to katrina. in other news...if you happen to be like me and absolutely hate onions, guacamole/avocados, corn and hot meat then you should go order the veggie sandwich from paradise bakery. it has none of those ingredients. i just had one and it was seriously the best veggie sandwich of my life. i only remembered to take a picture after it was almost gone. but seriously, its good.

More of The Bach.

this season is going quick...hallelujah. that is the one saving grace.

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so all i remember about jake and tenley's one-on-one date is that jake wore a turtleneck. that is just unforgivable. no man should ever, in any situation, ever wear a turtleneck. ever. i can't believe there wasn't some gay stylist on the set to scream in horror, rip it off his body and put him in his usual flannel shirt nonsense, which believe it or not, would have been an improvement.

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gia is fine-ish. he obviously won't pick her and i feel like there is not really much to say about her. she'll go soon.

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vienna is one of those women who is unattractive, yet through the use of magic and spells and the blood of a kitten is able to fake pretty. i can't even really put my finger on what it is about her that is so unattractive...i think it's that she's manish. or maybe it's her nose. which i'm not judging by any means, my nose is no walk in the park either. but i have to give the girl props for tricking jake into thinking she's hot. but i'm not tricked vienna. i don't even want to know how many innocent kittens had to die in order for you to fake pretty.

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and she's still obnoxious and whiney. but whatever. he clearly loves it. the shoddy editing of the show isn't confusing me into thinking that she's not in this one for the long haul.

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and my oh my did corrie step it up this week. unfortunately, she played the virgin card a bit too late. at this point there was just no way she was staying. but did you see jakes eye's light up when she told him she was "waiting for marriage". man! guys love a virgin. she should have pulled that one out weeks ago and she would have secured herself a spot in the top 4 for sure. after getting to know corrie a little better this week i think i realized that she would have been a good fit for jake. which is another reason why she had to go.

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ali wised up this week. she dropped the vienna issue, said all the right things and looked all hot in her little boob dress and boots. damn jake for making her ruin those adorable boots in the ocean. you do not suggest to a girl wearing smoking hot, knee-high, black suede boots to run into the ocean. what a freakin' tool. and like she even had a choice.

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so now we are down to four. he really likes ali and vienna. tenley is super sweet and mentally retarded. and gia is too hot for him. i still think he should pick tenley. but i don't see that happening. what i do see happening is me not giving a shee either way, vowing to never watch this crap-fest agin, and then getting addicted and writing recaps on my blog for 3 months. hmmm. yeah. that sounds about right.

Some dirt on the pregnancy...

things that i suddenly have an inability to think about, let alone eat, without getting ill...

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-onions

-guacamole

-corn

-hot meat

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things that are now a part of my day-to-day existence...

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-a gross, metallic-like, taste in my mouth almost 100% of the time
-CRAAAAZAY dreams
-dry, dry, dry lips that burn with the fire of a thousand suns

-long fingernails {i'm fine with this}
-a perpetual pukey feeling when i'm hungry and when i'm not hungry and when i breath and when i sleep and when i exist. i think i'm getting better. but i don't want to hope too soon.

-the worst memory of all time
-feeling like a crappy wife. because i used to clean and do dishes and help make dinner and stuff...or at least i pretended like i was going to do all those things. and now i don't even pretend anymore. i just lay on the couch and complain to b about how i feel like total shat. poor b. i don't even throw away the lids to my yogurt anymore. i just set them on the counter because...you know...opening the garbage can causes gagging.
-the ability to actually FEEL my uterus. WTF?!

-RIDICULOUS breakdowns. for example...bawling hysterically for 2 hours because we ate dinner at souper salad. try and figure that one out. i know i can't.
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i think that's enough for now.

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now you can all tell me how crazy you were so i feel less psycho. fun! go!

You Guys!

it's the last friday of january! wheee! which means we are one step closer to spring and one step farther away from this hell of a never-ending, inversion-ridden, bitter-cold, snow-less crap of a winter fest that we have been having.

I would not be upset to receive any of the following items for Valentine's...

catbird ring. tiny diamond ring.or this one.baby skull ring.bow ring. utah necklace.swarovski charms.

A QUICK Bachelor recap because I'm too bored with it to exert too much effort...

ella. booted. HUGE shocker. she's better off.

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kathryn-something-or-another. booted. snooooore.

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jessie/jamie (?), i dont even know her name. booted. about time. but thanks for letting jake know your thoughts on vienna! he obviously really took your suggestions to heart.

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ashleigh. booted. yeah ashleigh, act all surprised even though you couldn't form a coherent sentence while in his presence. and saying "soooo...." over and over again while straddling your leg across his lap in your "dress" that's actually an extra-small black shirt doesn't really count.

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and can i point out how FREAKING HILARIOUS jake was during his OFF THE CUFF, SPUR OF THE MOMENT and TOTALLY NOT SCRIPTED decision to not give out the final two roses. and how also freaking hilarious it was that he was ONE rose away from the final rose, which is when chris harrison walks out and delivers my most favorite weekly line... "ladies, jake, this is the final rose"... so, shouldn't chris be waiting in the wings ready to walk out....but no...he was totally out in the courtyard shooting the shiz with the other producers in this totally OFF THE CUFF, SPUR OF THE MOMENT and NOT SCRIPTED moment!

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not buying it bachelor. not. buying. it. this show is so scripted that i am pretty sure they actually PICK the winner.

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now we are down to...

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tenley-who i'm starting to think is borderline retarded. she'll be top 3.

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ali-who is really turning into a gigantic, whining, obnoxious beyotch who has to have a serious relationship talk with jake every second. i bet he is totally in love with that.

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gia-she's nice enough. whatever. although having him carry her around the vineyard like a 2-year-old was mucho weirdo.

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corrie-going home next week.

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and vienna. let's discuss...

she is CLEARLY young, immature, stupid and spoiled. also not cute. in fact, any redeeming qualities she might have are obviously being edited out by the show. even STILL...have you ever seen a group of bachelorettes all team up together and hate one person so vehemently? i haven't. its crazy. and of course i love it. but here is my question...if jake is REALLY this good ole' boy from the south, southern gentleman, down to earth, NICE guy that he claims to be...who just wants a sweet, kind, down to earth girl who he can marry and impregnate with his dorky, little blond sperms then why the hell is he SO into vienna? even DESPITE the fact that he knows that every girl hates her? seriously. i am posing this question to you.

ready. discuss!

I'm going to miss Michelle.

ok. lets start from the top.
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vienna seems super young and immature. although i didn't completely hate her on her one on one date. {you know who i did hate? jake.} and, i thought the girls and ESPECIALLY ali were unnecessarily and overly harsh on her. why do they care so much? its weird. and she clearly cares that they all hate her. so she genuinely apologizes and of course they don't like that at all. because they want to hate her. just ask ali..."it's a pact." i also thought they all freaked out a LITTLE too much when vienna asked jake for some one on one time during the cocktail party. listen, if all those beyotches had been talking shee to him behind my back i'd want a little one on one time with him to explain myself too. i don't understand why they all think that just because she got a rose she should fore go her one on one time with him. why should she give a SHEE about any of them? and vice verse. it's every girl for herself.

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p.s. this doesn't mean i like her.

so yeah, ali was kind of a beyotch this episode no? and this picture is clearly photo shopped to high heaven because this girl has a gap in between every tooth. just sayin.next up...the worst group date of all time. if jake made me stand up and do my own comedy routine in front of an audience i'd be out the door in 5 seconds. but michelle was like a shining star being all crazy and uncomfortable and on her own planet. how awesome was it that she demands he kiss her. so he does BEGRUDGINGLY. then she says "that's all i get?" then tells him she is leaving. he says "good idea." and then she freaks out because he didn't beg her to stay. that all makes perfect sense to me. i'd beg her to stay. come back michelle!

also fun that jake was all drained and super sad face because all the girls were ripping on vienna. apparently he likes her. like...THE MOST. gag. he could not end that group date fast enough once they started telling him not so nice things about vienna. and he refused to give out a rose, clearly to punish them for ripping on his favorite. yay!

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one on one date with ella and her kid was cute. i take back every mean thing i have ever said about her. she is gorgeous and genuinely kind. he would have been a total douche not to give her a rose. i predict she goes home soon though. jake is awkward with kids. they cramp his making out style. plus, ella deserves a man and her kid deserves a dad. not some weenie pansy face. {jake}

i found it interesting that the show refused to put valishia on the screen for even 5 seconds. did they even go on one date? she was basically not even there. and then he kicked her off. i felt sad for her...whoever she is.

good riddance to elizabeth. she is super scary. and apparently half-way retarded since she couldn't make sense of jakes completely justified annoyance at her pretending to have morals or jealousy or something so she wont kiss him but she will tease him about it. guess what elizabeth? you're not as smart as you think.

ashleigh is pretty. she'll go home soon.

so will corrie.

in other news...apparently there are some other random chicks on this show that he has yet to kick off but i've never seen them before so who knows...

i think we are going to see a lot more of gia next week. at this point i pretty much don't know anything about her. except of course, that she is made of plastic.

i still predict tenley being in the top 3. but i dont think he'll pick her because that would just make way too much sense seeing as how she is by far and away the best choice for him.

Please say it isn't so!

after 20 {!} years my most favorite of all favorite burger joints, eat-a-burger, is closing. sob!

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b and i stopped by for dinner on friday {before we watched food, inc. ... ha} and learned the extremely bad news.

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i felt seriously depressed. not just because they have, in my humble opinion, the WORLDS BEST fries and fry sauce...
and one of my all time favorite cheese burgers...but because of all the memories i have there. i have been eating at eat-a-burger for nearly my entire life. i went there with my parents, my grandmother, friends all through high school and junior high, many a boyfriend and my now husband. i ate there for lunch the day of my wedding dinner. we picked up a million meals from eat-a-burger when we were remodeling my parents house. we got take-out from there many weekend nights when my parents went out and i was left to babysit. everyone who works there has a familiar face. almost EVERY time i go i see someone i know and love from the neighborhood where i grew up or friends from school. loosing eat-a-burger makes me seriously sad! they close their doors, after twenty years, on january 31st. everyone go one last time!

This may have been my most favorite episode of The Bachelor EVER.

my goodness. what drama last night! too bad it's all completely fake and created by the show to drum up ratings. even still...

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let's start with my top 5 favorite moments.

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01. rozlyn! why did she have to go so soon?! really every moment that she was in was golden. but the greatest was when chris harrison was trying, so diplomatically, to explain to her why she had to leave the show. that stare down she gave him!?...chills. i thought she was going to murder him and eat his heart.

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02. girls crying everywhere because of rozlyn's betrayal. what. the. eff? i was so confused. i thought they would all jump off the couch and cheer because 1-she was way hotter than them and now she's gone and 2-she knew how to work it better than them and now she's gone and 3-she had way bigger boobs then them and now she's gone. get it?

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03. when chris pulled jake aside to tell him about rozlyn, jake, in a desperate and pathetic voice said... "she didn't leave did she?!" ha. you know if chris hadn't already kicked her off the show jake would have forgiven her and kept her around. i mean, did you see rozlyn's huge boobs? {have i mentioned those yet?} i felt like they should have gotten their own rose.

you will be missed rozlyn.

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and side note: word on the street is that the alleged "inappropriate relationship" between rozlyn and a producer from the show never even happened. the true story...rozlyn has a 7-year-old son who the show promised her she would be able to talk to every day and who they were going to fly out for a 1-on-1 date. apparently the show lied and rozlyn got pissed. then the show told her she was not allowed to tell jake about her child, even though all the other girls in the house knew about it. when the producers started asking all the girls how they felt about "rozlyn not telling jake about her son" to drum up drama she had a freak out and said she wanted off the show. one particular producer and rozlyn got to be pretty good friends and he was trying to work out the situation. he later told other crew memebers that he had fallen for her and bingo...a scandal is born. roslyn then, under the understanding that she would be removed from the show in a low-key way was kicked off in the highest amount of drama possible (they have ratings to worry about people!) and the producer was fired. rozlyn claims that the so called "inappropriate relationship" didn't exist, there was never anything physical and she is not seeing the guy now. the show is not allowed to elaborate on ANY details of the "inappropriate relationship" because it never happened. they do, however, plant that seed in the other girls minds so they can all speculate and say on national television that rozlyn and a producer had a sexual relationship on the show. and of course the show isn't going to correct them because....hello! ratings! but you will never hear any details other than "inappropriate relationship" come out of chris harrisons mouth. the end.

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sketchy? i think yes. i sort of love it though. and i know this shee is going on all the time.

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and now back to favorite moments...

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04. michelle did NOT disappoint. her crazy is growing week by week. she can never leave the show. never! my favorite line out of her mouth, said in a completely, freaky, stalkerish way... "i'm going to prove to him that i'm here for the right reasons and HE"S GOING TO LOVE IT." **insert psycho music here.**

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05. the song 'on the wings of love' playing while jake flew his little plane around. i almost died.

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i think jake is a total doof and not in a good way. i find him completely unappealing but whatever. he must have some following out there somewhere. too bad BOTH kiptyn and reed turned down the show. clearly they learned their lessons the first time around.
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jake made a good call in giving christina and ashley the boot. although i think it's slim pickings around there. i like ali and tenley. they seem sweet and normal. but i seriously think the entire rest of the cast are a bunch of girls who got to be on the show because they all have agents who are helping them further their career. and that is why...my friends...neither ali or tenley are going to get picked. i bet they will go far. but he won't pick them. for one, because in the end they NEVER pick the girl who they could actually marry and for two, this show is totally RIGGED.

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my prediction for the final 3...

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ali

tenley

and someone else. but who? probably someone real bad. i know it will NOT be ella (she has a kid), ashleigh (she's too hot), kathryn (she'll be gone soon), michelle (psycho pants), jessie (who?) or valishia (because i think she has secret children at home).

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that leaves us with vienna (please no), gia (meh), corrie (double meh) and elizabeth...

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i'm not sure what to think about elizabeth. it's looking like i might hate her and as suspected, she's turning out to be kind of a psycho. that letter she whipped out last night was just abnormal. and why is she tempting him to kiss her so she can turn him down? sounds like she's playing a little game that i like to call 'i need air time so i can get a spot on a soap opera so i'll do whatever it takes to keep me around and on screen for as long as possible.' hmm.

The overly long Food, Inc. post...

b and i watched food, inc this weekend. twice. i had heard about it before but after katie reminded me of it we went out and rented it. watched it. then showed it to our parents. we. were. horrified.i could go on and on about this movie. but i think EVERYONE should watch it for themselves. i wish i could go out and buy all my friends and family members a copy. it needs to be seen.
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a few things about the movie that really opened my eyes...

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-i have NEVER thought about what process a mcdonalds hamburger must go through to make every, single mcdonalds hamburger anywhere in the world taste exactly the same

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-it has also never occurred to me before that maybe a hamburger isn't made up of just one cow but instead can have literally a thousand different animals ground into that one patty

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-this guy, who owns polyface farms was completely inspiring. his website makes we wish i lived in virginia or maryland. i would buy meat from this guy for the rest of my life.

like i said...i could go on and on and on about all the eye-opening moments in the movie. but instead, i will just say...WATCH IT.

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after watching, b and i decided to do some research about possibly making some big changes to where and how we purchase our food.

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we came across a lot of local farms and ranches that you can order produce and meat from and they will deliver it to your home, or a location near your home, weekly. some that we really liked were...

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Bar 10 Beef. i am trying to cut back on meat this year and i still plan to do so. however, i enjoy meat and my husband lives for it. i think ordering fresh beef or chicken would help me to feel better about it. i just usually walk away from eating meat of any kind feeling lethargic and gross. a lot of that could have to do with the absolutely disgusting way that meat is raised, slaughtered and prepared in our country. it's not a healthy option and it's definitely not appealing.

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the bar t0 beef website states:

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All Natural, Grass Fed Beef

Bar 10 Beef offers Gourmet All Natural Grass Fed Beef that is free of hormones, antibiotics and pesticides. At the Bar 10 Ranch, our cattle graze on 250,000 acres of open range. Once selected for our beef program, they are taken to our grass farm where they are turned out to graze on a wide variety of high-quality grasses. The end result is delicious, healthy, nutritious beef from our family to yours.

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Quality

Once our animals have reached their optimum weight, they are processed in a humane and low-stress facility. Our beef is Dry-Aged anywhere from 14 to 21 days providing you with a gourmet product that is only found in high-end restaurants and custom butcher shops, this in not beef that you will find at your local grocery store.

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click the link to read more. i was sold.

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like i said, i could live my life with little or maybe even no meat. but for b, that is just not an option. he is allergic to most food that people eat everyday such as wheat, flour, eggs, nuts and melons. meat to him is a huge part of his diet. i think ordering meat from a local ranch is a much better option than continuing to buy what is available at the local grocery store.

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we also really liked borski organic farms that are located in kaysville, utah. for $200 a season (late june - october) for two adults you can have fresh, organic, locally grown, pesticide free fruits, veggies and herbs delivered on a weekly basis. they pick the produce that morning, choosing whatever is the most fresh and you pick it up from a nearby location.

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these are just two options out of MANY. utah's buy local first website is a great resource.

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i also have been impressed and inspired by friends who have taken steps to ensure that the food their families eat is healthy and safe. katrina and katie have made me want to completely change the way i eat. marci just joined a food co-op. i think that is so awesome!

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so, this was a long post. but, what i really want to know is what you think! have you made any changes to the way you eat? have you had success? or does it just feel impossible? anyone done a co-op or anything similar and if so how did you like it? tell me your secrets because i know for a fact that you all are smarter than me at this stuff. :)

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and as a side note...does anyone know how to make pizza dough that tastes good and that does not have flour or egg in it? (i know...long shot.)

Holy Boob Jobs, Batman!

it's that time again...the most wonderful time of the year.

the bachelor: on the wings of love {hmm} kicks off with the most boring bachelor in the history of the show.

jake is lame.

and probably closer to a bachelorette than a bachelor.

but i'm going to keep watching because i want to see him cry. and you know he will.

you guys! he's a pilot! and there are no words to describe his passion for aviation. so lucky for him we are only one episode in and already the sexual pilot innuendos are flying high. flying high...get it? the best one of the night came from channy. i don't know HOW jake could have kicked her off after a gem like "you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime".alright. on to the slutty bachelorettes.

in order of my favorite to the most horrifying and disgusting:

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elizabeth.

i think she has the potential to turn out to be a total psycho. which would be awesome.

she started the football game, which normally would make me hate her profusely. but, in this instance, i think it was a good move right up until all those botoxed screaming beyotches joined in.

ali.

i don't remember a single thing about her except that she's cute. i think the fact that i don't remember anything about her might be a good thing.

tenley.

she's borderline cute at best and full on dumb as rocks but she gets my votes for telling jake that she's...

"like totally honest, i check my pride at the door, i'm a cuddle bug, sincere, humble, beautiful..."

and then she kissed him.

and then she cried because she wanted him to kiss her first!

sob!

i also enjoyed that the show listed her profession as "college admissions".

ashleigh.

she might be cute.

it's so hard to tell these days.

but i didn't hate her.kathryn.
boring.

which is just enough to boost her into the #5 spot.

and from here on it's really hard to decide who is the least worst.

they are all just SO bad.

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maybe ella is the least worst.

she has a 7 year old which she couldn't tell jake fast enough.

and you know she only told him because it guarantees her a spot on the show for a least a few weeks. everyone knows that if he kicked off the chick with a kid he'd be a total douche bag.

michelle.

the psycho.

which means she has secured herself a place on the show as well.

smart move.

don't disappoint me michelle.

this is gia.

she is made of silicone and botox and secrets. corrie. she rubbed me the wrong way.
i think it was her hair.
{and if i can't judge girls based off of something as insignificant as their hair then what's the point of even watching anymore?!}
valishia.
were you even there last night?
her profession is listed as "homemaker" which obviously means she has kids right?
vienna.

hideous.

and annoying.ashley.

desperate.

and gross.

but, as we already know, jake is a retard and enjoyed her little co-pilot uniform.

gag.

christina.

i'm not sure but she might be a dude.

yikes.

jessie.

yikes again. rozlyn.

the beyotch.

she mentioned her "looks" and the fact that she is a "model" every 5 minutes.

and that's a serious boob job she's got there.and there you have it.

the top 15.

they played up some serious drama during the scenes from the upcoming season and even though this show is so effing predictable it was enough to pique my interest.

this show is like crack.

i wish i knew how to quit you.